i have my first application to graduate school due in less than a month. I’m not too freaked out but know that this month is just going to fly by. There isn’t that much to do but everything has so much weight. And truthfully I am scared. I’m scared if I get accepted, I’m scared it I don’t. I’ve never been good with change and this will be a real challenge. Something else I’m not good at, not worrying about the future. I would be so much more productive if I didn’t look ahead and just concentrated on the tasks at hand.
That being said, this next month has to be about applications. I need to write every day until I am satisfied with what I have written and then I need to edit and write again. I have to hound, in the nicest way possible, my recommender’s to make sure the recommendations get out in time. I need to not go out. But sometimes going out actually is helpful, like last night, when I ended up at a party saying goodbye to one casting director and hello to another.
I have a few short personal statements to write, focusing on my past, present and future in theater. Last night, surrounded by faces I see on stage more frequently than at bars, I thought about how important it is for me to be in this community. A community that comes together to make art, to challenge, to explore, who protect and care for each other and who support each other. I know the community expands far beyond the bar, far beyond DC. This world of theater is massive, and though different people have different ambitions, to live as a small part of this community is a blessing.
I’ve been stumbling over the essay question “why do you want a life in theater?” It somewhat angered me, I already have a life in theater, it’s not like going to graduate school will make or break that life. This is what I do, this is what I will continue to do, it’s not a choice, it is. But maybe now I’ve answered that question, and maybe it’s time to work on in it off blog.